Part 10 of 27: a God complex appears like confidence but is actually a counterfeit

And we can tell the difference

What will it profit us if everyone around us was a loser and we were the only perfect one? What joy is there in that? It can be very difficult to admit when we have a god complex or sometimes, we don’t even know that we have one. However, we often act in ways that are not beneficial to the well being and psyche of others. We speak negativity over them and their dreams. We turn every conversation into one of one-upmanship and competition. Rating ourselves and our lives against others to see where we measure up. Making all of our actions and inactions communicate a sense of condescension and belittlement of the person we are engaging with, even if we did not intend to do so.

We think that if we show others how much better we are than them, then they will respect and like us because we are successful. People will respect and like you because you make them like themselves. You don’t have to physically do anything to achieve this. When people are around you, through your demeanour and unspoken thoughts about them, they will feel relaxed because they are not on the defence to prove themselves to you. You listen to them thoughtfully and intently, not seeking to dispute, one up or minimize their experiences. You are not the standard, and you can not measure other peoples life experiences against what you think. You are not them and they are not you. When they communicate a fear to you, you offer no encouragement or hope, instead you double down on negative confirmation which makes them feel worse. What do you gain from giving more bad news when the person just communicated to you that it was a source of anxiety for them?

Another example is, you tell someone you got a new boyfriend and you enjoy cooking for them. They chime in and say “Oh I would never cook for a guy. Ever”. Like what is the purpose of stomping on something someone says they are enjoying? Is this supposed to communicate your worth? or communicate that you think the person is an idiot for doing something thoughtful for a person they love?

When we feel the need to always correct, berate, lord over people, we are using them as a measurement of our self worth to know where we stand on the scale of humanity. So the more people who are beneath me on average, then I can feel lucky and happy about my life. This model of gaining confidence is not sustainable because let’s say we are comparing ourself to Jodie because she’s broke, she’s single, and doesn’t dress very cool, so we feel great about ourselves because we might be broke too, but we have a boyfriend and have a nice car. Tomorrow life happens and conditions improve for Jodie, she finds a boyfriend who proposes, she gets a better job and can now also afford nice things. The person we once felt superior to is now getting the things we felt superior about, now our sense of identity starts being threatened. We start doing our investigations into Jodie’s life because we want anything that will make us feel a little bit better about ourselves still. When we find nothing, alot of people turn to competition of who has what better or they just toss the friendship because they get too uncomfortable.

People on social media behave the same way unconsciouly when they ask for ‘real influencers’. “We are tired of seeing perfect faces. Perfect homes. Perfect bodies. Show us the REAL”, we all chant in unison but for a lot of people, they feed off the negative stories and failures of other peoples lives because they need something to lord themselves over. To feel better about their life and their choices. They say they want real but a woman gets pregnant by a boyfriend and posts her new born baby on TikTok, and the comments are flooded with, “Baby with no ring is crazy”, “I would NEVER EVER EVER be in this situation” “You are a loser for letting a man knock you up without marriage” “May this life never find me”. They want real bodies but a fat person posts themselves in a bikini, and well I don’t need to tell you how that goes. People carry this same jealousy into their interpersonal relationships. We say everyday that we want to be confident and pray for God to send us confident female friends, but the people in our lives who exhibit confidence that we think is unfounded get pushbacks from us. We tell them to quiet down. We seek to oppose majority of what they say to trigger feelings of self doubt in them.

So essentially, people think that only certain people who look a certain way should be confident, and if you don’t belong in that category, then you have no reason to feel good about yourself. They feel shitty because they have not attained a level that they can feel proud of, so they also need to make sure you also feel shitty because you have not attained a level that they deem as successful.

Measuring yourself against others means that the goalpost will always be shifting and you will never be satisfied with yourself. When you measure yourself against the personal dreams that you have for yourself, not what you think will make you look good. Then all you will feel competition for is the things you need to do to get to where you want. That’s all. You might have moments of self doubt, maybe comparison but your over arching energy towards life is that you know where you are headed. Confidence is sustainable when we don’t need other people to be losing to feel like we are winning. We all lose, and we all win, that’s life. Things can change overnight. Just let your confidence be rooted in the lessons you learn, and how that makes you understand life better. What you know about yourself and life is a sustainable way to build unwavering confidence.